I Am That Awkward Phone Person – SORRY

Just don’t call me over the phone and expect an hour long convo okay? 

Me on the phone: ‘Oh ah yeah um ok cool fine yeah sort of sure *insert voice break*’. 

Ahhh don’t we just all hate that person who is awkward as hell on the phone. The person that doesn’t know what to say. The one who sounds like they are bored to death after the first ‘hello’. Or stumbles on their words so you are just like ‘SPIT IT OUT’. Okay I am not that bad but I hope you get the idea that I just hate the whole concept of speaking on the phone. There are high odds that I will sound awkward AF so sorry in advanced. 

So *hey* I am that awkward phone person.

Us awkward phone people always sound like nervous wreckers, and undoubtedly so. It’s like oh someone is actually calling me and why the hell are they? Is it something bad? Is it major gossip? Oh my gosh has the latest season of Riverdale been dropped?? Has so and so just broken up for the forty seventh time?? WHO KNOWS!

I always have the reoccurring worry after getting off the phone that I will look bad because I stumbled on my words. Or that I will sound like that call was an inconvenience when it wasn’t. Maybe I should have said that, thrown in more banter. Sometimes I might need to seem a bit more lively rather than like I am on my death bed. So when somebody does actually call me I feel like I have to prepare people for the inevitable let down and awkward silences. Cringe already. 

But even whilst I am writing about one of the many flaws in my personality – or whatever you want to take this as – there are reasons as to why I hate phone calls. Okay hate is a strong word but they aren’t my bff. With this all being said let me explain as to why I always find them hard.

I don’t like being caught out in surprise. Well I do love a good surprise (if a mystery man would like to surprise me with the date of my life I wouldn’t complain) but the idea I don’t know why they are calling freaks me out. This is because I text or snapchat anyone and the idea is returned by most of my friends. It was never really the done thing to ring anyone, texting is my thing. I am that stereotypical returns texts within thirty milliseconds of receiving it and my banter can be alright.

But on the phone I am really really boring. I don’t have time to come up with my somewhat hopeful funny replies. QUICK WHIT IS NOT MY THING. In real life this isn’t something I struggle with but when someone calls me rather than texts then it must be more than just a ‘hey’ and you are like ‘Okay shit is going to go down’. 

I am a bit of an introvert, I love my own company and being at home all day and getting on with work really doesn’t phase me. I draw moments from doing nothing and I am okay with that. This little routine whilst I have been at university has been lush (of course I have done stuff I am not that bad) and getting a random af phone call just throws me. 

I feel like I need to train myself to be funnier over the phone, less awkward and more normal, but texting will always be the way to my heart. Short, sweet and simple. No ummms or ahhh or pauses to gather my thoughts. 

So guys: be aware there are people like me out there. JUST TEXT US. 

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