I am about to write the most personal blog post I have possibly ever written so grab a cuppa and give it a share. When I think about all the books I have read (the list isn’t extensive but there is a list) my favourites have always been the romance novels. The ones where they end up happily ever after. Yeah sickening I know. But I feel like we all have a little soft spot for a romance. Don’t we? But what you don’t see is books really explaining the true reality of what it is like to be single.
But the chances of our love lives ending up with us marrying that rock star who has the dreamy dark eyes and can treat us to a new Chanel handbag each week is next to none. Even though I am soon to turn 20, I still have had my fair share of romantic experiences. None that have ended brilliantly or else I wouldn’t be sat here writing about how I am single.
Whether at 13 years old and just discovering this concept of a relationship, or at 40 and are entering the new stages of online dating, love is a concept which is risky. When you meet someone, who you think you have a connection with, you instantly want to get to know them. For them to know about you. This connection builds until you go on your first date. As the dates go on, you build up a trust with this person.
My first relationship (apart from those five minute relationships that you have in primary school) was when I was in secondary school. It was my first ‘proper’ relationship. We spent the next year together, through the ups and the downs but it was obvious at the end that we had drifted away. Sometimes this can be the hardest type of break up because you can’t blame anyone. No matter how much you try, the less dramatic break ups always cause a longer lasting pain.
Of course any breakup is crap. You are surrounded by friends and family who are there to support you. But those ‘There are plenty more fish in the sea’ and ‘You deserve more and you will find that in time’ remarks are never helpful lets be honest. Its human nature to get over a break up – but it still SUCKS.
When you go through the ‘puzzle breakup’ I.e. where you just don’t fit like you did before, you can’t do the whole ‘HE’S A DICK’ group Facebook message to your girlfriends. I mean you can, but its not fair when there is really no reason for the break up. I always think if a relationship ends because of cheating or similar it can be easier to move on. There is a blame to the claim, there is someone who you can bitch about to your best friends. You can move on quicker because that is something you are worth more for. But when there is no real reason or the whole ‘its me not you’ scenario happens? Or you aren’t really told a reason… then that is a longer lasting pain.
But then the whole cycle comes up again. You are a new single card on the books. You can start going on dates and getting new people. I have had a few first dates this year, some of which have been ones I am blocking out of my memory and some have been mediocre. And like any budding romance, that first date always comes with a pack of nerves because you want to impress right? But lately I felt like something is stopping me from going further than the first date.
Starting off something new with someone else means putting trust into someone again, for it to possibly end bad. I don’t get this whole spiral, of falling in love to get hurt. But with love does come that whittling pain. I have had my fair share of heartbreaks. One hit me like a tonne of bricks this year, one that caused me quite a bit of pain. We joke and say ‘the best way to get over someone is to get under someone’. I can’t vouch for that however sometime to embrace new love you just have to embrace that pain.
Someone recently told me that by holding off, feeling scared of love means you could miss out on something good. Something possibly life changing. This is what I don’t want to happen. However I feel if you think something is going to be worth it then you get that spark. Those flutters that you want to grab a hold of. If that doesn’t come naturally is that love worth the risk?
It has been a long time since I have been in a relationship so I don’t remember that the pros overlay the cons massively in a relationship. But I am okay with who I am. Okay with focussing on me, my life, my blog and my degree and if that means being single then alright.
Also dates are expensive, who’s with me?
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Breakups are horrible, and I think single me can definitely romanticise love. I had a breakup earlier in the year, and right now I’m really enjoying having the time to focus on myself and my goals – I like my new found independence!
Yes I am so with you Em!