So I have this thing. This thing where without realising I take every single thing to heart. Or in situations I get too emotionally invested because I feel involved. I very much blame my Dad because him and I have stupidly similar personalities. I know he can take stuff too personally too. But because 2019 has been a bit of a bumpy year to say the least, I have realised this side of my personality has just been a hindrance. Situations which I could have just brushed under the carpet, I didn’t, making life harder for myself.
So what does being emotionally involved feel like? Basically it is just being very passionate, involved and willing to do more and care more about something. I feel that it affects me most with my blog and my work. Two things that I can take pretty seriously. My work is my main source of income so anything that happens – good or bad – I will get emotionally drawn into.
I have always said to people take the piss out of me just don’t take the piss out of my blog. That is the ONE thing not to joke about. And it frustrates me when people do. I know people still do as well – some of those from people I have known for years. But when you put so much time and effort into producing something you are proud of, its like a stab in the back. Does that give you an idea??
I am going to lose my main source of income? Why are they saying that about me? Do they not realise how much work I actually do on a daily basis?
It feels a little bit strange recognising more of a flaw to my personality. We are always told to appreciate everything good about us however we never told to look at the flaws. But we all have flaws right? Just like my adoring love of chocolate!
But this year, when certain scenarios have happened in my life, I know if I just brushed it off it would have been nothing to worry about. I even had a conversation with a friend about this too, and it drew my attention to it even more. That I would be a lot more chill if I just didn’t give two monkeys about what is happening. And the end of the day its just a job right?
I also know that I am a bit of an emotional wreck when I down a glass *cough* bottle *cough* of wine. I lovvveeee a bit of wine. (come here Pino). But I can’t do it when I have this state of mind. Unless you want to see a mascara stained, drunken blob then don’t give me wine. I never used to be like that though. I don’t drink now because I don’t want to get like that. This time last year I would love going out, having a few drink. And I would be that ‘girl who chats way too much’ after a drink. So if I change my mentality I can go back to that.
So in plain speak? I get too involved and get worked up but that’s because I CARE. And that is OKAY! There is nothing wrong with caring and being passionate about things. I just need to learn the barrier or boundary when I just, for my own sake, relax. The extent to which I am attached isn’t good. I need to cut it out, which will take a while, but I am determined.
Wish me luck!
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